No Hard Feelings PDF/EPUB ¼ No Hard PDF/EPUB or

No Hard Feelings The modern workplace can be an emotional minefield filled with confusing power structures and unwritten rules We're expected to be authentic but not too authentic Professional but not stiff Friendly but not an oversharerAs organizational consultants and regular people we know what it's like to experience uncomfortable emotions at work everything from mild jealousy and insecurity to panic and rage Ignoring or suppressing what you feel hurts your health and productivity but so does letting your emotions run wildIn this book we'll help you figure out which emotions to toss which to keep to yourself and which to express in order to be both happier and effective We'll share the latest research and helpful tips and reveal the surprising reason why you'll actually be healthier and focused if you're less passionate about your jobDrawing on what we've learned from behavioural economics psychology and our own experiences at countless organizations we'll show you how to bring your best self and your whole self to work every day


10 thoughts on “No Hard Feelings

  1. says:

    Not a review just some notes I would like to keep handyemotional dynamics affect our motivation health communication decision making and yet most of us ignore these emotions Why is it that when we think of professionalism we immediately jump to the idea that we should suppress everything we feel? p4Emotional fluencythe capacity to productively sense emotion and to know how and when to translate what you feel into healthy action p10no one tells us what to do if we're upset with a coworker or how to bounce back from a botched meeting with our boss p101 Be less passionate about your job go home2 Inspire yourself3 Emotion is part of the euation4 Psychological safety first be kind5 Your feelings aren't faults6 Emotional culture cascades from you7 Be selectively vulnerablep12Caring too much about a job is unhelpful and unhealthy p19Make time for people you love exercise and a guilt free vacation p20How managers talk about vacation matters p24It's nice to be important but the work will carry on without you p 31Don't vent endlessly talk about the problem some and potential solutions p38 39Clarity of focusWhat's your job? Are you working on the right things? Knowing this helps you know when you're accomplishing enough that it is ok to go home take vacation p40List the items on your plate ranked by priorityShow your boss and ask for confirmation of goalsprioritiesAsk When do you need this by?If you feel unmotivated by your job it's time for some tough love you've probably given up on learning p61Psychological safety on teams p 108 113Do people feel safe contributing?Encourage open discussionask team members to write out thoughts and then shareask follow up uestionscan you say about that?Bad ideas brainstormto make people looser less afraid to speakask clarifying uestionsuse generative ? language building on that idea For projectscreate team agreementleadersupervisor should ask how you can helpcommunicate and listtask conflict vs relationship conflictBut to be a good surgeon you have to be respectful and a good leader because that behavior has an effect on patient outcomes p 129Personal issues negate technical competenciesCOINSContext I know you want to move into a senior position and i want that for youObservation You've been late to several key meetingsImpact This makes your colleagues feel that you don't have respect for their timeNext Can you commit to being on time in the future?Stay Does this make sense to you?feedbackp160Emotional Contagion p176We catch one another's feelings when I speak in a less impatient cheerful way everyone else remains cheerful which is better for productivity p177If you whave a coworker who continually complains de fuse and diffuse the situation by genuinely asking What would you have done differently?What can we do about it going forward?p185micro actionsopposite of micro aggressionspositive actions you take to build meaningful belongingp188Research by Stanford's James Gross shows that when someone is upset but keeps their feelings bottled up our own blood pressure goes up when we're around them even if we don't consciously realize they're angry p209Own your decisions and be clear about expectationsAsk What would be helpful to you right now?Understand each person's strength and weaknesses and treat them individually p211When the shit hits the fan you protect your team from the emotional fallout p213As a manager my job is to make sure you do your job well 216


  2. says:

    I've been reading this book off and on at work which I think I heard about on the Get Booked podcast Helpful advice for dealing with emotions of others using your own emotions as a tool for decision making and The first idea I want to apply is user manuals where people get to share their perspective of how they thinkwork


  3. says:

    There is a lot to unpack in this book I loved it both as a treatise giving people permission to have and express feelings at work and for providing a framework for people to do so in a positive healthy and productive way The chapters on leadership teams communication culture and the effect of emotions on these and that they have on emotions are all great


  4. says:

    Terrific topic and well researched but too much ground to cover in a book this length It's basically a literature review of the entire field of emotions at work I'd have gotten value out of greater depth in a few key sub topicsExcerpts I'm stashing for laterDon’t extend the logic of the workplace into your time off Many people are overly enthusiastic about optimizing free time Stop falling into the type A trap of compulsively making your hobbies work than work If you love to play piano don’t force yourself to practice for thirty minutes at precisely 800 PM every weeknight and then beat yourself up when you miss a day Studies show when we mathematize our experiences—by tracking our steps or measuring miles hiked—we don’t enjoy them as much We usually describe ourselves as “happy” when we get than we already had or when we find out we are a little better off than those around us Neither of these are permanent states Contentedness on the other hand can be emotionally stable The most content people craft their ups and downs into redemption stories something bad happened but something good resulted The pressure to be perky is so great that the National Labor Review Board ruled employers cannot force employees to always be cheerful we’re guessing a lot of employees sulked in satisfaction after the ruling A better version of the familiar adage “Grin and bear it” may be “Sometimes you have to bear it but you shouldn’t force yourself to grin” When we try to suppress our sadness disappointment or anger we are likely to feel those same emotions A survey that asked people to rate how strongly they agreed with statements such as “I tell myself I shouldn’t be feeling the way that I’m feeling” revealed that those who felt bad about feeling bad had lower well being than their self accepting peers You will feel a lot better about leaving at a reasonable hour or taking vacation if you know you’re doing a good job in fact high performers take almost twice as much vacation as their colleagues And the first step to feeling confident is to figure out your boss’s priorities “Working on the right thing is probably important than working hard” notes Flickr cofounder Caterina Fake How can you ask for guidance without looking incompetent? If you’re not sure whether the launch email or report draft is pressing don’t tell your boss you’re confused Instead create a list of the big items on your plate and rank them in order of importance Then take this list to your manager and ask her to confirm your prioritization You can say something like “Here’s what I’m working on this week Is there anything you would like me to prioritize differently?” LIZ My favorite “magic moment” story comes from Maurice Sendak who wrote and illustrated Where the Wild Things Are One day Sendak received a letter with a charming little drawing on it from a boy named Jim In return Sendak drew a Wild Thing on a card and sent it to the boy A few weeks later he received a letter from Jim’s mother that said “Jim loved your card so much he ate it” “That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received” Sendak recalled “He saw it he loved it he ate it” When faced with the choice of doing nothing or receiving painful electric shocks the average person shocked themselves five times Sometimes being close with our colleagues can leave us emotionally exhausted Managing relationships we care about while giving critical feedback or rushing to meet deadlines takes effort Talk to anyone who has worked at a startup where coworkers describe themselves as a family and you’ll inevitably hear how tiring it can be Though we tend to be drawn to the status uo research shows change might make us happier In an experiment Freakonomics author Steven Levitt invited people who were on the fence about a major life decision like uitting a job or ending a relationship to let a coin toss determine their fate Heads meant make a change Tails meant stick with the status uo Six months after the coin toss people who got heads—who made a change—were happier “People may be excessively cautious when facing life changing choices” writes Levitt MOLLIE This might be the most lucrative advice we will give you If you’re asking for money either for your starting salary in a new job or for a raise at your existing job try this magic line “I don’t want my salary to be a distraction to me while I’m in this role” I have used this sentence to successfully raise my starting salary at several jobs By saying you don’t want your salary to be a distraction ie distractingly low you are stating a fact that both you and the other person believe to be true You are having empathy for both yourself and the other party They also don’t want you to be distracted Former Campbell Soup CEO Doug Conant would give people he worked with a “DRC Doug R Conant orientation” he would explain that he was an introvert and how that affected his work style This helped him “uickly get beyond all the little superficial dances people do when they first start working with each other”


  5. says:

    Thought provoking book about how work culture influences your emotional wellbeing and how your emotional wellbeing might be used to influence work cultureAcknowledges emotional experiences of different genders races and speaks to how the modern American workplace was constructed around the white man's preference for comfort IlluminatingGood for everyone great for introvertsDefinitely recommend buyingborrowing the physical book the illustrations are very fun


  6. says:

    Spotted this as a new release and thought it would be an interesting read I had a performance review and training not long ago and so that was still fresh in my mind as I thought this would be a good read and was curious to know what the authors had a sayThe book is a good overview on what emotions we might encounter at work or around work what might be the causes and how we can manage them in productive ways Topics cover everything from boredom to lack of interest to anxiety Factors that might affect how we feel that are addressed include gender introverts vs extroverts race etc Throughout the book there are comics that help demonstrate the author's points There's also looking at it from a leadershipmanagement POVIt seems like a nice overview and I'm glad a book like this was out there but it feels too much like a good broad overview rather than an in depth look I would have liked to have had discussion about any of the factors that can affect our emotions at work They were great pointers and brief summaries but in the end I felt like I had read a lot of these tips and tricks before and I didn't really much to get from this bookThat's not to say it's without merit because there are certainly people who haven't identified the source of stress at work or that they're stressed about work Or they don't know how to deal with other factors like a very introverted employee or someone who is of a different race etc So this is a good introduction like I'd definitely recommend this to a new graduate entering the workforce or for someone who has been out of the workforce for a long time and is now returning but I'm not sure this will have a lot of value for people especially if you already have other factors like a work spouse strong support network a good management team that works on developing junior employees etcBorrowed from the library and that's how I'd recommend it although it might make a good gift for certain individuals as mentioned above


  7. says:

    I really loved this book It's succinct and doesn't labour every point but covers some very important points The old advice of no emotion at work is just unrealistic and this book provides some excellent ways of handling thingsIf you want each point covered in depth then I suggest you read the books referenced in the text For me this provided a great resource I can return toreference having read many of those other books already In the learning stage you maybe want the depth and many examples but beyond that a reference is useful to return to when dealing with a specific situationAs an added bonus there are cartoons and humour What's not to like?The narration in the audiobook version is also very easy to listen to


  8. says:

    Excellent resource for workplace communication Balances hard science with a firm but gentle tone Includes lots of illustrations to enhance the message and brighten the mood The book is definitely focused on intra office communication centered almost entirely on corporate workspaces at the exclusion of customer facing enterprises Many of the strategies inside are YMMV if you work a customer service job


  9. says:

    Nothing necessarily groundbreaking but good tips to keep in mindI'm new to the workforce so the concept of how to handle emotions at work was totally new to me In my previous role as a student I expressed my emotions however I felt like it since most of my time was mine Now that it's not that mindset has shown itself to be infeasible This book has some good info in it for sure like keeping in mind that people simply have different preferred styles of communication among other tidbits Additionally this book made me feel like my case wasn't uniue that other people go through what I'm going through It made me feel less alone For that I can recommend it Still it's not without its faults It sometimes relies too heavily on classifying people into introverts and extroverts something which I'm fairly certain has been proven to be an oversimplied method of classification Additionally a fair amount of this info boils down to things either learned in kindergarten tl;dr be nice or things one could figure out simply using their intuitionOverall despite its shortcomings I would still recommend this book to anyone new to the workforce who's finding it difficult to know how to handle their emotions at work Additionally I'd suggest this to any new people managers who despite what their ego might tell them do not know how to be emotionally sensitive at work and frankly could afford to put some serious work into building their emotional intelligence You know who you areEmbrace your emotions at work and learn to be sensitive to others' It's just the decent thing to do


  10. says:

    Nice book to read to try to make the best of your attitude at work Some tips on how to make the most of your emotions I especially to apply it to work culture


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