Would You Rather? A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out


Would You Rather? A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out A collection of poignant relatable essays from the author of Never Have I Ever about coming out in her late twenties entering into her first relationship and figuring out what it means to be an adultWhen Katie Heaney published her first book of essays chronicling her singledom up to age 25 she was still waiting to meet the right guy Three years later a lot changed For one thing she met the right girl Here for the first time Katie opens up about realizing that she is gay She tackles everything from the trials of dating in New York City to the growing pains of her first relationship from obsessing over Harry Styles because actually he does look a bit like a lesbian to learning to accept herself all over again Exploring love and sexuality with her neurotic wit and endearing intimacy Katie shares the message that it's never too late to find love or yourself

  • Paperback
  • 256 pages
  • Would You Rather? A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out
  • Katie Heaney
  • 06 October 2015
  • 9780399180958

About the Author: Katie Heaney

Katie Heaney is the author of Public Relations Dear Emma and Never Have I Ever as well as the forthcoming memoir Would You Rather Penguin Random House February 2018 Her writing has also appeared in New York magazine online Cosmopolitan The Atlantic Racked and The Hairpin among other places She lives in Brooklyn



10 thoughts on “Would You Rather? A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out

  1. says:

    I received this book for free through LibraryThing’s Early ReviewersIt wasn’t until I actually read the blurb on the back that I realized that this was written by the girl who wrote Never Have I Ever My Life So Far Without a Date I had really wanted to read that book and even marked it as such on Goodreads but I never did get around to reading it I’m glad that I was able to read this book because it does touch upon some of the themes that Never Had I Ever coveredSo basically I loved this book I loved it because I related so much to it I’m not a lesbian so I couldn’t relate to her coming out but I did relate to a bunch of other stuff I related to the fact that she was single until her late twenties I’m currently 23 and still perpetually single I related to her anxiety especially when it came to googling medical symptoms and convincing yourself that you have some grave condition I’ve done that many times I related to her obsessive bed making Pretty much I felt like I was a lot like Katie I saw a lot of myself in herWhat really made the book so fantastic was the writing It was so conversational It felt like she was talking to you Every essay was clear to the point and a lot of fun I also really liked the balance between the fun and the serious There were a lot of uirky anecdotes but also a lot of introspectionOverall this was a very touching and relatable memoir For book reviews be sure to check out my blog

  2. says:

    I'd never heard of Katie Heaney before I decided to pick up Would You Rather A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out but the blurb was too interesting for me to pass up Sexuality in general intrigues me especially the personal exploration of sexuality I'm always interested in someone's sexuality discovery story in romance as well as non fiction and stories where people realize they are bisexualpansexual or gay later in life always catch my attentionKatie Heaney was in her late 20s when she realized that her inability to find the right chemistry with a man and her sneaking suspicion that her awareness of women might meant that she may not be in fact perfectly straight I liked that everything wasn't cut and dry with her story She had attractions to men I mean how did I NOT realize that lesbians being attracted to Harry Styles is a thing? and lots of crushes so the dawning realization that she was in fact gay wasn't something that she woke up knowing one day There were years where she debated with herself something I found to be relatable and realistic I personally consider myself to be straight but perhaps my little okay strong attraction to Shane from The L Word and than a passing attraction to a certain type of butch lesbian might put me closer to a Kinsey 1 than anything else I always think of sexuality as muddled and complex than most people think and I liked how we really got to explore Katie's journey in discovering herself with her Katie Heaney is a great writer and I often felt like I was having a conversation with a friend The ending dragged a tiny bit but Katie's personal musing and obsessions came across as uirky and charming I wanted to know her and everything about her story A great read for those who are uestioning their sexuality or someone who simply wants an interesting easy to read memoir centered around dating and self discovery Copy provided in exchange for an honest review

  3. says:

    I sat on my review of this book for half a week because I was so emotional after I finished reading it Katie Heaney and I have a lot in common I've had a boyfriend but ten years ago Since then I've had little to no interest in dating despite feeling like I should Her talk with her therapist about how most people don't feel dread when it comes to dating was illuminating to say the least While I don't identify as a lesbian I didn't realise I was bisexual until late in my twenties so seeing someone else go through the same process someone who found it just as difficult as I did made me feel seen and less alone Perhaps contradictory I did leave the book feeling lonelier than I have in a long time Some of that is petty jealousy why did she get to realise she was gay and find love immediately? Why not me? some of it is just finding the path I have to walk hard and being tired This is perhaps personal than a book review should be Heaney spends a lot of time lamenting the way people related to her after her last memoir and just wanting to be herself with her own story It's hard not to project onto something like this and while I do sympathize with her it's only to a point Additionally I found her realisations about friendship disheartening She finds love and her friends matter less to her It's not that they don't matter they do of course it's just that being in a relationship means she has the most important person in her life and she needs her friends less As a single person I found this a bitter pill to swallow It's not that we single people don't know that already Or that I would have wanted her to lie and say everything was exactly the same as it always was with her friendships I have had enough friends enter into serious relationships to know that's just the way of life I guess it was just hard to read

  4. says:

    Something about Katie Heaney is remarkably relatable and I think you will find that whether you consider yourself gay or not But don’t get me wrong I couldn’t be gayer ;

  5. says:

    I have never in my life related to anything as much as this I don't think I'll ever find words to describe what listening to this memoir meant to me A lot of the essays actually freaked me out because that experience could've been written about me EXACTLY like thatI can already feel this having a huge impact on me and I finished it just a couple of minutes ago I'm incredibly grateful this book somehow found its way into my life

  6. says:

    My bad How many times have I said I was going to start avoiding current memoirs? Yet this caught my eye at the bookstore I read a few pages that seemed good and I brought it up to the register for reasons that my self of 9 days ago may have been able to explain but my self of today cannot Would You Rather? was frustrating in the sense that every now and again there would be an interesting passage that would keep me reading hoping for of the same but in the end there were so many things I disliked about this book that I don't have the energy to articulate all of them If you've liked Katie Heaney's writing in the past you'll probably like this If you're a late blooming lesbian or a 27 year old who's unhealthily obsessed with Harry Styles this book may make you feel less alone As for the rest of you well it's your life and you can read what you want but you can't say I didn't warn you And as for me is there some kind of hotline people can call when they need to be talked down off the ledge of buying the sorts of books they've vowed not to buy? Asking for a friend

  7. says:

    This review and others can be found at BW Book Reviews I received this ARC from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review This has no influence on my rating Would You Rather A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out will be released on March 6th 201845 – This year I wanted to read a non fiction book by a ueer author about being ueer This spoke out to me when I saw it on Netgalley because it was exactly what I was looking for What I didn’t expect was to relate so strongly with the author’s experience in coming out later in life and finding out who she was at the age of twenty eightKatie Heaney wrote a book called Never Have I Ever My Life So Far Without a Date and it was released in 2014 She references this book often in Would You Rather because in it she describes never having dated being a virgin at twenty five and being attracted to men At the time she wrote that book she had not accepted that she was a lesbian She might not have even known despite the signs she points out in Would You RatherIt is fascinating to have two different books written at two different points in your life that demonstrate how things can change over the course of just a few years At twenty five she is single straight and a virgin and at twenty eight she has a girlfriend is a lesbian and is no longer a virgin I love how candid she is about talking about her journey in coming out to her friends and family and how at first she didn’t feel “gay enough” because she hadn’t ever dated a woman I related to her story for a number of reasons but I’m not as candid as she is I don’t think I would ever write let alone publish not just one but two books detailing my love life and sexuality I admire Heaney greatly because of it She talks about how she continued to get emails after her first book was released from young women who related to her story and I know she will get emails for Would You Rather for the same thingI thought the content of the book was great I wasn’t too fond of the format The book is described as a series of essays and sometimes the book flowed nicely and sometimes it didn’t I would’ve liked if the book flowed all the way through and didn’t feel as if there were unrelated essays mixed in That being said I loved the essay about Heaney downloading and watching The L Word for the first time while she was studying abroad There was even an essay where she talked about her anxiety and how she had been resistant to medication before accepting she needed it Again I really appreciated her openness throughout the memoir about her journey and I would highly recommend it

  8. says:

    A REALLY excellent follow up to 2014's Never Have I Ever It was fascinating to read about Katie's journey of self discovery and sorry to use this annoying phrase self actualization Funny perceptive and well written I honestly tore through this one

  9. says:

    It’s comforting to know there are women out there who assumed they were straight didn’t date men but never wondered why and then realized one day hey I’m actually a lesbianI didn’t think too much of the book though tbh

  10. says:

    I received a free copy of this book from a Goodreads giveaway for an honest reviewThis book wasokay I guess It wasn't terrible but it wasn't good either I feel like the title was a bit misleading Growing Up and Coming Out is actually of Coming Out and Spending Most of the Book Talking about Details of My Life and OpinionsI tried I really did and I'm sorry but I just don't care about this girl's life It's great that she's using a platform to talk about coming out and navigating expectations but as soon as she started talking about her love for horoscopes Harry Styles or her need to always make the bed I realized I honestly couldn't care less This book really had no trajectory Katie Heaney had a great platform here and the opportunity to make a change with her writing but the sections where she really talks about her important revelations pale in comparison to all the times she just talks about mundane aspects of her life I found myself trudging along just for the sake of finishing the damn thing I also found her self righteousness grating She reminds me of one of those who always complains about you having a relationship and leaving her out and then as soon as she has one of her own she does the exact same thingI don't know This just wasn't my cup of tea

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